Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
