i may or may not be watching the land before time
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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