Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just forgot I was standing up.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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