Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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