Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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