my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
