either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
