When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
