im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
