you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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