Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Randomize
