oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
