I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
