listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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