I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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