no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
