I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
