I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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