Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
