yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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