just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
