How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
