You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
