Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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