just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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