T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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