It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
