WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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