We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I have aggressive nipples.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
