why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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