I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
