Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
