True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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