sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
