I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
