D3 body, D1 cock
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
