yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
