he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Vodka?
Forever.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
