Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
