You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Alive.
So much puke
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
