Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
whose parrot is this?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
