ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
