So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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