Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
