Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Randomize
