STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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