Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
