Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
