hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
