Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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