i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
