Who wears a wallet chain?!
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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